If You Could See Me Now…

Recently I’ve been running into a lot of people from my school years. Especially a LOT of the people who bullied me and I have to say the look on their faces when they bumped into me was classic. Now I know I’m not the worlds prettiest or most popular– never have been never will be– but I know I’m not dog rough, in fact I think I’m pretty average!

During the school years 7-11, I was a total nerd (I really still am!) I was the brainy kid with wonky teeth, who never broke the rules and always did her homework! I was bullied a lot by the sporty, popular girls for most of my school life; being called fat or ugly etc. Which, if people tell you enough, you do eventually start to believe them. The pretty girls, that ALL the boys liked, were blonde, skinny with immaculately orange faces and eyelashes weighed down with so much mascara that they could hardly open their eyes! They all wore short skirts and (now I realise) push up bras, to make them look the ideal girl. Whereas I wore trousers, minimal make up (gravy lines has never been an admirable look to me) and I dyed my hair ginger, because I had always wanted gingery hair! I focused on my studies, kept the friends I had and when I was 16 got myself a job. So really the whole social scene for me was studying in library and working at the weekends. I didn’t like going out drinking, I hated that everyone in my year pretty much, was sleeping around and I hated the ideas of what you had to be in order to fit in. So, I stayed true to who I was and didn’t fit in! Which, inevitably led to being bullied terribly. After year 11 a lot of the popular guys and gals who laughed and looked down their noses at me, were the people I never really saw again… Until recently!

The wonders of preparing for uni means you have to brave H-Town’s shopping center, where I started running into a lot of the people I hated at school (thanks to their merciless bullying!) and being polite you have a bit of a chit chat.

Miss Misery: The most popular girl, who was a bit of a slut (sorry just being honest) and had one of the most orange faces and always wore her belt to school but usually forgot the skirt to go with it!

Miss Misery works in River Island (<3 love this shop) and was served by none other than Miss Misery herself. Now I admit, having just come off holiday, my tan makes me look amazing. She did a really obvious double take! And after the general “what are you up to now?” talk, her departing words were: “Well I’m jealous, you’re looking really really amazing, good luck with everything.” And you can tell that she genuinely meant it. Which left me a little confused but very very pleased! After all, I’d never describe myself as “amazing”!!

Mr Drum ‘n’ Bass: Off at uni now, caught up with me on facebook! He didn’t exactly beat around the bush, and told me that I was looking really good and we should definitely meet up for coffee etc just to catch up. Except the way he worded it was definitely a “Dude you’re fit, let’s go for a drink!” Which makes me laugh a lot, because although he was never nasty to me, it was always a bit like Mystery Inc: The other girls were Daphne and I was always Velma (the nerd). So it wasn’t like he was nasty, but it did always make me feel like I wasn’t worth it.

Mr Confusing: Someone I still talk to on a regular basis, he’s a bit of a ladies man, but can’t seem to find the right fit in a girl. Somehow, something always seems to go wrong! But other than being his relationship advisor and very good friend, he has also made it very clear that if I ever wanted to give things “a go” with him then he’d be more than happy to oblige!! At school he was popular, but always dated the unpopular girls, which always confused me… but then those girls automatically turned into social climbers! 😛 But he always makes me laugh and it’s nice to know someone thinks you’re pretty! 😉

Mr Arrogant: Definitely full of himself and 100% not looking for a relationship, Mr Arrogant has on several occasions told me to quit being stupid and to stop putting myself down. He might not want to date me or marry me (thank god- that would be disastrous) but he is very honest with me and when he tells me I look good and that I have a lot going for me, I do believe him. Because I guess I trust him a lot, he’s a good friend.

The Parental Gang: All the girls at school who thought they were soo HOT! They really did love themselves. It is hard not to run into them up town because they have nothing else to do with their lives. It’s great that they wanted to start a family but I can’t help but think it’s a waste of life. Only because a lot of those children were unplanned, and therefore will they ever be truly loved or will their parents come to resent them one day? I hope not… Anyway, they have all said how good I’m looking and how happy I seem. Which I really do put down to the fact that I’ve worked hard and have been rewarded with a place at university, I have amazing friends and a fantastic family! But they all looked down on me at school so, I’m secretly a little smug that my life has so many more open doors and that I can still do much more in life than they can with their children. I feel sad for them, but maybe if they’d been nicer to me in the past I’d have a little more sympathy!

But basically, if everyone who’s hurt me or bullied me or treated me wrong in the past, could see me now. I’m the one who’s laughing and I know I’m living the good life! It feels good to know that they see that I may have been an ugly duckling, but I have definitely turned into a swan. I stayed true to myself and it’s payed off, because my life, although still has its hurdles that make me stumble, really is pretty darn great!! 😀

Me now.. Finally a Swan! =D