Say NO to Domestic Violence

Me being a feminist, I’m all up for women taking the steps to empowerment. But sometimes, us ladies (and some men) can get into situations that you don’t realise are detrimental to your health until the damage has been done.

I have been in this situation, I know people who have been in a similar situation and today on le blog, I just wanted to discuss the warning signs that should show red flags in your relationship, as to whether your partner could go from mental abuse to physical abuse.

We SHOULD talk about it more!

We SHOULD talk about it more!

Often times, abuse can start when you are young and if you don’t have the right support, can continue long into adulthood. So lets take a look at an example of this abuse that can start from a young age:

 

As we can see in this video, the young male in question starts with an already arrogant attitude and then goes onto pressure his girlfriend into “having some fun” with him. When she explains that she doesn’t want to, her parents will be home soon, and she’s not game for that tonight, the male starts to degrade the girl by calling her names which are not true, threatening to tell all their friends that she’s “frigid” which naturally will make any girl feel inadequate and guilty for not trying to please their partner. He then starts to get a little handsy. This isn’t a comfortable video to watch, especially when we see the male looking in on the entire situation, horrified by what he is doing.

It’s easy to see from an outside point of view these warning signs, but there is often very little we can do to convince the victim that they need to get out.

There are 3 types of abuse:

  1. Verbal/Mental Abuse
  2. Physical Abuse
  3. Sexual Abuse

None of these are acceptable and often we start small and escalate…. So here are a few things I’ve seen happen to people I know over the years:

  • Starting Small: Going up to your boyfriend to hug him and being pushed away, made to feel small and stupid for wanting to show affection. This can often make the victim feel like they are insignificant and stupid for trying to show affection, and may start to feel guilty for being stupid. Why on earth would their partner want to be with anyone so dumb? Therefore the victim feels lucky to be with their partner and will stay despite having just been made to feel shit for trying to be a good girlfriend. 

 

  • Slowly Escalating: Being spoken to like you’re a 5 year old and too stupid to do anything for yourself. “Oh baby, it’s a good job you have me or you wouldn’t be able to do anything!” When actually, people can learn to do anything on their own. But this constant doubt in your abilities plants that seed of dependence on your partner, which over time will become such a strong bond that the victim cannot leave as they NEED their partner to survive. 

 

  • Getting Physical: This doesn’t necessarily have to happen to the victim themselves. In fact, the male (or female) can show violence and aggression towards a friend or family member, by either shouting abuse and trying to put them down or by being physically aggressive, such as threatening behaviour, slamming fists on tables, busting into private spaces and just generally violating this persons human rights. This is disgusting behaviour and often results in the girlfriend (or boyfriend) feeling the need to side with their partner, thus isolating them from any help and support they may have had. 

 

  • The Blame Game: “Look what you’ve made me do!” Are often the words that come out after the aggressor has either become physically violent or has smashed something around the house. Passing off the blame onto the victim is just another way for the aggressor to make the victim feel small. If this isn’t the case then the aggressor will still pass off the blame onto the victim, but will be “sorry”… However the victim should not have provoked them. Which often times, the victim has done nothing wrong, but is convinced that essentially, it is their fault. 

 

  • Sexual Favours: Sometimes, the aggressor can be rather forceful in taking what they want with or without permission. Often telling their victim that they owe this to their partner and it’s their duty to keep them happy and if they refuse then it can end in the aggressor taking what they want and then telling the victim that it wasn’t pleasing, therefore making the victim not only feel completely violated but also even worse at not being able to do anything right.

 

As we can see from these examples, the combination of all three abuses nearly always ends in complete control over the victim, they become broken, isolated and hating themselves for being useless. However, sometimes, the aggressor will only use one form of these abuses. For me, it was mental abuse and I had convinced myself that I loved him and he loved me, and all the little comments were only a joke! But the day he slapped me, was the day I realised that I wasn’t happy and if I didn’t stand up and be counted, I’d be miserable and broken for the rest of my life. As it so happened, the “ex” in question was nothing but a coward so when I told him exactly what was what, he just took it. He didn’t fight me, he didn’t try to convince me I was wrong and when he sees me in town now, he hides away in the nearest shop he can find because he knows that if he doesn’t steer clear, then things will get serious real fast!

It’s hard to sit back and watch these things happen to other people, knowing exactly what it’s like and how out of control things can become very easily. There isn’t a whole lot you can do but to sit on the sidelines and watch, and be the support when the victim realises that enough is enough.

However, often youngsters who go on to become violent with their partners often start out thinking they can treat the opposite sex however they like, speaking to them like shit, invading their privacy and calling them every name under the sun without consequence. These people are nothing but cowards who can be put back into their place with a simple warning. Get the right help to do so and nip it in the bud now. Because it takes just one thing for them to get away with, to make them believe that they can get away with treating anyone with no respect or dignity. They are wrong, and there is help.

Nobody wants to end up in this situation:

For more information and advice please visit:

Refuge

Womens Aid

Or Contact your local Police Station where they can protect you and give you advice on how to get out of an abusive situation.

 

*All the information in this post has been inspired by personal experience and research based facts.*

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